What can you do as a couple when finances start impacting your relationship. My
mother used to say to me “when there’s no money, love goes out the door”. I often
wondered what she meant by that. I was young then – an idealist and romanticist
and truly believed that old saying that love could conquer all. Alas I found out along
the way that love does not always conquer all in relationships, in particular with
finances but it does not have to be that way.
Most couples don’t talk about money as it is often a source of friction, shame,
embarrassment and other unpleasant feelings. Often there is an imbalance in terms of who may be bringing in the most money. This alone can lead to tensions and
resentment. The higher earner may unknowingly use this higher contribution
detrimentally as a power over the other person which does everything to prevent a
relationship of equals.
In couples counselling, we can explore each partner’s attitude and beliefs towards
money. For example, one partner may feel the need to store and save money as
they need financial security while the other may be frivolous living each day as it
comes with no concern that tomorrow that money may be scarce.
Money is such an important topic and while it may feel like you are killing the
romance, it is a really important part of day-to-day communication. Counselling
provides you the space to have honest, open dialogue where you can both agree
what works for you to help you both continue to thrive as a couple.
If you find finances may be a source of tension within your relationship, please do
not hesitate to get in touch.
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